Many of you know that my son recently turned four and you’re wondering where my birthday letter to him is. The short answer: it’s written, but I’ve chosen not to post it.
OK, I haven’t finished it…but I’m working on it, PEOPLE.
I have routinely battled my feelings on blogging about subjects close to my heart. As the writer, I get to choose what people learn about me through my posts. I choose how much of my life and soul I want to bare. Roper hasn’t had that choice. At all.
The universe has shown my son nothing but love. He (we) are very blessed. But I am under no illusions that this will always be the case. The digital world is full of anonymous humans – a dangerous mix that makes people feel safe saying things they wouldn’t say to your face. It’s an age of data mining, facial recognition and constantly changing privacy settings.
My bigger concern is that Roper is reaching an age at which he’s becoming aware of how people react to him. He’s old enough to start conforming to what people expect him to be, based on how I present him. Yikes.
This child is my heart, making his way in our vast world. And it is my job to protect him – something I’ve been blasé about when it comes to digital exposure. Am I going to wipe all of my social media accounts clean of his existence and delete all posts about him? No, because even when deleted, it still exists. Just like everything that makes it onto the dang ole interwebs.
Also, I’m a little bit lazy.
I will continue sharing appropriate bits of our life, but I will be more discerning in what I share about Roper. He has a big personality and never fails to engage people. We can’t go to a public meeting without being included in a TV interview or newspaper photo. People implore us to get him into commercials. I can obviously use this draw to my advantage – to gain page views or likes or what have you.
I don’t give a flying rat’s patootie about that sort of thing.
What I DO care about is ushering my child into this new world without bias, prejudice and presupposition. I have to face the fact that his name makes it incredibly easy to run searches on him. It’s unique and will come with its own assumptions when encountered on resumes and job applications.
Do I share too much? Yup. Will I continue to do so? Most likely. But I will also do my best to protect my relationship with my son, and that includes the little details of his personality and development that I will always cherish (and he will most likely roll his eyes at).
For now, I will not post his letters on this public blog. They will be just for him and whomever he chooses to share them with in the future.
Thank you, dear readers, for your continued support and for celebrating life with me. I will keep blogging and sharing – erratically as always. I’m also excited to start outlining a novel set in the Entiat Valley. I’ll keep you posted on my progress!
Molly Flew the Coop 
Molly:
I’ll miss your letters to Roper. They always bring laughter and tears as I remember my own days with my young kids. Thank you for sharing them as long as you have. Thank you for still writing them for Roper…he’ll cherish them when he gets beyond the embarrassed age! Nancy
Hi Nancy! Thanks for the kind words. I’ll continue sharing bits from our life – just not the personal letters to Roper. I don’t want him to hate me when he’s old enough to read his mama’s blog :)
I was taxed by the process to post this to your blog. Dare I call it digi-phobia?
In any case, here¹s my comment to your new post…
Family perimeters are the safety zones we carve out around our loved ones. You are redefining that space for a new time and different age. You offer words well spoken from thoughts not always easy to think. Thanks for the perspective! G
On 9/4/13 1:05 PM, “Molly Flew the Coop” wrote:
> mollyflewthecoop posted: ” Many of you know that my son recently turned four > and you¹re wondering where my birthday letter to him is. The short answer: > it¹s written, but I¹ve chosen not to post it. Ok, I haven¹t finished itŠbut > I¹m working on it, PEOPLE. I have routinely ” >
Thanks, Glen. We’ve talked about this topic many a time during our visits, haven’t we? It will be interesting to see the ramifications of this generation of kids – virtually all of whom are “public figures” thanks to social media. Take care!
Yes, please keep writing your letters to Roper and hopefully by being family I will still get to enjoy some of them, but yes, your primary job is to raise the little guy without other people’s perceptions and expectations and also to protect him in that endeavor. It is unfortunate that our world has changed so much since you and his dad were his age.
Of COURSE Oma will still get the letters!! I’ll send them out to the immediate family :)