We apologize for sending a Christmas email instead of mailing cards. Our maid usually hand-addresses our envelopes (and writes our letters), but she has fallen ill with the bird flu. So we’ll do our best to fill you in on our own.
It’s been a busy year for everyone in the family. Toby has been working as a consultant for the CERN laboratory, helping redesign bits of the powerful particle accelerator that smashes subatomic particles together. He is not at liberty to discuss the details. Molly has been flying to and from California quite often since the Kardashians signed her on as the booty model for their clothing line. In the process, the girls have taught Molly to apply false eyelashes and smoky eye makeup like a pro.
Not to be left out, Roper has just been signed on as the Gerber yet-to-be-named-awkward-stage-between-toddler-and-pre-teen. The company had been hounding us ever since we refused to sign Roper on as the Gerber Baby – we wanted him to enjoy his infancy, for crying out loud! Since they went to great effort to create an entire new product line around him, we signed a ten-year contract on Roper’s behalf.
Ollie (our turtle) finally put his spare time to good use and taught himself to ride a bike. He was the first turtle to ever complete the Seattle to Portland in one day. And, in a delightful turn of events, Architectural Digest featured our apartment in their biggest spread of the year (Toby does all the decorating and deserves full credit for that). All of that means nothing compared to the pride we feel to have the Unicycle Injury Ward named after us at the newly remodeled Central Washington Hospital. It feels good to give back.
We hope that you all enjoy a wonderful Christmas with family and friends. We will, of course, be sharing a cozy Christmas dinner with the Obamas again. The girls just love our magic tricks!
Toby, Molly and Roper
P.S. If you want to know what we’ve REALLY been up to you can check out our annual “2011 Year in Pictures”